Well, those who follow this blog know that I have been away for a while. A bit over ten months in fact. Not sure what happened to the first eight months. Time flys, it was a busy winter, kids grow too fast and there is not enough time in the day for all of it.
Excuses.
I do know why I have been away the last two months. It has to do with the tragic loss of the person who challenged me to start a blog in the first place. She was my first follower, my sometimes muse, and a wonderful friend. She left behind joyful memories, and heartbreaking what ifs. Her two sons and her husband will miss her more that anyone can imagine.
We are left asking why? We are left, each one of us, to mourn her in our own way. Part of my way has been to question where I am, what I am doing and where I am headed. As if her death was a horn and light in the fog, telling me to check my charts and instruments so that I am not dashed on the rocks. I have contemplated things great and small since her passing.
When I met this friend in college, I kept a journal. Technically it was a sketchbook and it was required for my major, but when I open them up and read through them, I remember enough to fill in the blanks that were too personal to include in something my professors occasionally read. I kept up with the journal off and on since leaving college. OK, more off than on. I remember thinking after writing my first few blogs and reading others blogs that it was very much like an online version of my old sketchbooks.
So that led me to this question: Should I keep the blog, keep the journal, keep both or loose both? Let's remove the obvious and say that I will not stop doing both. I see value in each, and each one lifts my soul in different ways. Also, should I feel compelled to keep blogging in honor of my dear friend? The answer there is easy. The first thing she said to me about blogging was to do it only if you like it. Never do it because you feel required to do it in any way. Words to blog by. A blog also become public property - once you put it out there, anyone who can find it can read it, so it is different from my journal. I would love to tell you that I came to a concrete decision and have a grand plan but that would be a lie. For now, lets say that I am keeping my options open with regard to the blog and journal.
As for my avoidance of the blog, well that is certainly done. I still miss my friend more than I can express, and it pains me to see her last blog entry and know that there will be no more. But, I am going to soldier on, keep a stiff upper lip, and know that no matter what happens from here on, it's all good if you can laugh.
